


two monks invent fruit

by frecklebombfic (frecklebomb), growlery, resistate



Category: Pomological Archive RPF, Two Monks Inventing Things (The Toast)
Genre: Audio Format: Streaming, Community: pod_together, Download Available, Fruit, Gen, Podfic, Podfic Collaboration, Podfic Cover Art, Podfic Length: 20-30 Minutes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-06
Updated: 2020-09-06
Packaged: 2021-03-06 07:00:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25979365
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/frecklebomb/pseuds/frecklebombfic, https://archiveofourown.org/users/growlery/pseuds/growlery, https://archiveofourown.org/users/resistate/pseuds/resistate
Summary: Monk #1: I’ve been wondering what makes a fruit a fruitMonk #2: ohThat’s easy
Comments: 5
Kudos: 13
Collections: Pod_Together 2020, growlery's podtogethers





	1. Podfic

[](https://f002.backblazeb2.com/b2api/v1/b2_download_file_by_id?fileId=4_z50d8662ea34ef4af65a2001b_f11319ec93a97c67e_d20200826_m225434_c002_v0001122_t0049)

Cover by growlery  
(click for full-size)  
  
---  
  
### [Podfic] two monks invent fruit

Duration: 0:21:50 (incl. 0:04:32 outtakes & freetalk)

###### Streaming:

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###### Download:

  * MP3 link: [Dropbox](https://www.dropbox.com/s/imk062urvxrhprh/two%20monks%20invent%20fruit.mp3?dl=0) or [Mediafire](http://www.mediafire.com/file/cdlrbng333hmfba/two+monks+invent+fruit.mp3/file) | 8.92 mb.
  * M4B link: [Dropbox](https://www.dropbox.com/s/kuu1ob7mdl3ei1x/two%20monks%20invent%20fruit.m4b?dl=0) or [Mediafire](http://www.mediafire.com/file/zgixankidgzo5v8/two+monks+invent+fruit.m4b/file) | 10.4 mb. 

  
---  
  
###### Notes

idella - Titles  
growlery - Monk #1  
frecklebombfic - Monk #2  



	2. Podfic

_Fruits and vegetables_

**Monk #1** : I’ve been wondering what makes a fruit a fruit

 **Monk #2:** what do you mean

 **Monk #1:** like

What’s the difference between a fruit and a vegetable

 **Monk #2:** oh

That’s easy

There are only pictures of fruit

No pictures of vegetables

 **Monk #1:** so if there’s a picture

It’s a fruit?

 **Monk #2:** exactly

 **Monk #1:** what about seeds and flowers and suchlike

 **Monk #2:** doesn’t matter

Only if there’s a picture

_Nomenclature, part one_

**Monk #1:** so what’s the most important thing about fruit

I’m thinking taste

 **Monk #2:** good guess

But no

 **Monk #1:** is it what you can do with it

For example

Pies

 **Monk #2:** also no

I’ll give you a hint

Words

Any words

 **Monk #1:** let me think

Nope

I still don’t have it

Sorry

 **Monk #2:** that’s okay

It’s a hard one

The important thing is what you name a fruit

 **Monk #1:** that makes sense

And there’s order, right?

A standardised system for naming fruits

 **Monk #2:** oh

There most definitely is not

 **Monk #1:** what is there?

 **Monk #2:** taxonomical anarchy

Geographical chaos

 **Monk #1:** wow

I had no idea

 **Monk #2:** like I said

It’s complicated

 **Monk #1:** but everyone agrees on the names right?

 **Monk #2:** hardly ever

That’s where the chaos comes in

 **Monk #1:** and the geography

 **Monk #2:** exactly

_Apples, part one_

**Monk #1:** so what’s the best fruit

 **Monk #2:** apples

 **Monk #1:** oh

Okay

 **Monk #2:** glad I could clear that up

 **Monk #1:** wait

How do we know

 **Monk #2:** what do you mean

 **Monk #1:** how do we know apples are the best fruit

Like

Definitely better than pears or plums

 **Monk #2:** you already know the answer to that

 **Monk #1:** oh

You’re right

Of course I do

 **Monk #2:** well

Let’s hear it

 **Monk #1:** it’s because there are the most pictures of apples

 **Monk #2:** you’re really getting the hang of this aren’t you

 **Monk #1:** you know

I think I am

_Birthdays_

**Monk #1:** how do you know how old you are

Like

How do you know when your birthday comes

 **Monk #2:** you ask fruits

 **Monk #1:** any fruits?

 **Monk #2:** no

Only apples

Something

Pears and plums

 **Monk #1:** what do you mean

‘Something’

 **Monk #2:** I’m not sure

I just feel like there’s a fruit that’s missing

_Nomenclature, part two_

**Monk #1:** so what kinds of words are fruit words

 **Monk #2:** I’m not sure I follow

 **Monk #1:** I mean

What words do you use to name fruits

 **Monk #2:** tell me some words and I’ll tell you if they’re good or not

 **Monk #1:** I’m not sure I’m ready for this

 **Monk #2:** it’s okay

Just pick some words

I’ll tell you if you’re wrong

 **Monk #1:** um

Okay

What about 

‘Juicy’

‘Filling’

‘Crust’

‘Baked’

 **Monk #2:** —you’re thinking about pies again aren’t you

 **Monk #1:** I didn’t think I’d be any good at this

 **Monk #2:** it’s okay

You’re still learning

 **Monk #1:** that’s true

 **Monk #2** : take apples for example

You’ve got:

‘Jonathan’

‘Joan’

‘Lucinda’

‘Kay’

‘Randolph’

So

Those kinds of words

 **Monk #1** : okay

I think I get it

I have one question though

 **Monk #2** : hit me

 **Monk #1** : how can you tell the difference between a person and a fruit

 **Monk #2** : no one knows

It’s a mystery

_Apples, part two_

**Monk #2** : I’ve been thinking about how to tell the difference between a person and a fruit

 **Monk #1** : tell me

 **Monk #2** : the answer is trees

 **Monk #1** : oh

Are you sure?

 **Monk #2** : positive

Think about it

Have you ever seen a person fall far from a tree

 **Monk #1** : I mean

Sometimes

When you put a swing on a tree and then

Well

A person falls off the swing

 **Monk #2** : oh

 **Monk #1:** not all the time 

But sometimes 

**Monk #2:** darn

You’re right

 **Monk #1:** sorry

 **Monk #2:** it’s okay

I’ll go back to the drawing board on this one

_Potatoes_

**Monk #2:** knock knock

 **Monk #1:** who’s there

 **Monk #2:** pomme

 **Monk #1:** do you mean ‘apple’

 **Monk #2:** no

I mean ‘pomme’

 **Monk #1:** okay

Pomme who

 **Monk #2:** pomme de terre

 **Monk #1:** ha ha

Serious question though 

**Monk #2:** what’s that 

**Monk #1:** I didn’t know that apples grow in the ground

 **Monk #2:** sometimes they do

I mean

It’s right there in the name

_New fruits_

**Monk #2:** I’ve got it

 **Monk #1:** what’s that 

**Monk #2:** how to tell the difference between a person and a fruit

 **Monk #1:** tell me 

**Monk #2:** a person can draw a picture of a fruit

Right?

 **Monk #1:** right

Absolutely

 **Monk #2:** but

A fruit can’t draw a picture of a person

 **Monk #1:** wow

That’s amazing

 **Monk #2:** thanks

 **Monk #1:** I’ve been meaning to ask about drawing

 **Monk #2:** go ahead

 **Monk #1:** what happens if you draw a picture of a fruit that doesn’t exist

 **Monk #2:** oh

I’m really glad you asked

Pictures of fruits that don’t exist are new fruits

 **Monk #1:** new fruits?

 **Monk #2:** that’s right

They exist in the future

Mostly the 22nd century

 **Monk #1:** who invents new fruits

 **Monk #2:** Jixabbolt Seger

 **Monk #1:** anyone else

 **Monk #2:** no

Just Jixabbolt

_Old fruits, part one_

**Monk #1:** how can you tell the difference between old fruits and new fruits

 **Monk #2:** depends

What do you mean by ‘old fruits’

 **Monk #1:** fruits that already exist

 **Monk #2:** It’s pretty simple 

Fruits that already exist were invented by people with three names

Royal Charles Steadman

Amanda Almira Newton

Mary Daisy Arnold

People like that

 **Monk #1:** what about James Marion Shull

 **Monk #2:** well

He has three names

So maybe

_Old fruits, part two_

**Monk #1:** what do you need to invent fruits

Not new fruits

But like

A kind of a fruit that already exists

 **Monk #2:** you mean old fruits

 **Monk #1:** yeah

Sorry

Old fruits

I’m thinking seeds to start with

 **Monk #2:** you’d think so

But no

 **Monk #1:** oh

Wait

I’ve got it

It’s a pencil and paper

 **Monk #2:** yes

Well done

 **Monk #1:** thanks

It was nothing

 **Monk #2:** also

You need these things:

Leaves

Branches

Twigs

And most importantly— 

**Monk #1:** I’m ready 

**Monk #2:** test tubes

 **Monk #1:** test tubes?

Huh

 **Monk #2:** test tubes are essential

 **Monk #1:** what about blight

 **Monk #2:** sometimes

 **Monk #1:** but not always?

 **Monk #2:** not this year 

**Monk #1:** why not

 **Monk #2:** just

It’s not a good year for that

_Peaches_

**Monk #1:** hey

 **Monk #2:** hey

What’s up

 **Monk #1:** it’s my birthday today

 **Monk #2:** oh right

It is 

Happy birthday

I’m glad you were born

 **Monk #1:** thanks

Me too

 **Monk #2:** anything going on

 **Monk #1:** not much

I was thinking

Remember that fruit

The one we couldn’t think of

 **Monk #2:** right

‘Apples

Something

Pears and plums’

That’s been bothering me 

**Monk #1:** me too

But I almost know what the ‘something’ is

 **Monk #2:** really

 **Monk #1:** yes

I can almost see it

 **Monk #2:** okay

We have pencils and paper

What does it look like

 **Monk #1:** like somebody’s butt

 **Monk #2:** okay

 **Monk #1:** but covered in hair

 **Monk #2:** oh

I think I know this one

Hardly any hair

Right?

 **Monk #1:** right

Hardly any

 **Monk #2:** just a dusting

 **Monk #1:** exactly

Just some fuzz

 **Monk #2:** well

Mystery solved

Happy birthday to you

 **Monk #1:** thank you

We’re missing one thing though

 **Monk #2:** what’s that

 **Monk #1:** a name

 **Monk #2:** oh

It’s a peach

Obviously

 **Monk #1:** you’re right

I should have known that

 **Monk #2:** that’s okay

It’s your birthday

One more thing about a peach though 

**Monk #1:** what’s that

 **Monk #2:** if there’s no hair then it’s a submarine

 **Monk #1:** are you sure

 **Monk #2:** maybe an amphibious vehicle

_New facts_

**Monk #2:** one thing I forgot to say about new fruits

 **Monk #1:** what’s that

 **Monk #2:** they used to come with new facts

 **Monk #1:** I thought you said this was in the future

 **Monk #2:** it is

In the future

New fruits used to come with new facts

 **Monk #1:** what do you mean, ‘new facts’

 **Monk #2:** you used to find out things about the fruit

Like if it was seditious

Or good in a pie

That kind of thing

 **Monk #1:** oh

Not anymore though?

 **Monk #2:** not anymore

 **Monk #1:** this might be a good time for me to mention something

 **Monk #2:** what’s that

 **Monk #1:** I made a pie

 **Monk #2:** what kind

 **Monk #1:** guess

 **Monk #2:** peach

 **Monk #1:** wow

You’re really good at this

 **Monk #2:** thanks

I know

 **Monk #1:** the new facts come back though

Right?

 **Monk #2:** wrong

They don’t come back

 **Monk #1:** not ever?

 **Monk #2:** not ever

 **Monk #1:** oh

 **Monk #2:** yeah

_Cake_

**Monk #1:** I thought of something

 **Monk #2:** what’s that

I mean

What’s it about

 **Monk #1:** you know how we were wondering about the difference between a person and a fruit

 **Monk #2:** yeah

I thought we drew a line under that one 

**Monk #1:** we did

But I had an idea

 **Monk #2:** well

Okay

 **Monk #1:** do you want to hear it

 **Monk #2:** sure

 **Monk #1:** what if

When you cut open a person

 **Monk #2:** wait

What if I changed my mind

 **Monk #1:** trust me

You’re going to want to hear this

 **Monk #2:** okay

 **Monk #1:** okay

 **Monk #2:** so what is it

 **Monk #1:** what if when you cut open a person

On the inside

There’s fruit

 **Monk #2:** no

 **Monk #1:** oh

Really?

 **Monk #2:** absolutely not

 **Monk #1:** okay

I wasn’t sure

 **Monk #2:** maybe stick to pies

 **Monk #1:** that works

I can do that

THE END


End file.
